My friend has got me pegged:

"While I was previously considered to be second choice, here is a list of reasons why I would be a better caregiver/nanny than Jelly [this is me]...
1) He wants to take care of a baby because it is cute. However, he is dark sided and will become bitterly disillusioned by the waywardness of little baby. I already know babies are pains in the asses, but love them despite. He will also not care for the baby if it is not cute (uh, but yours will be of course), and he will scorn it and possibly make fun of it. Who needs to be subject to this at the tender age of 2 weeks or even 15 months? (Can't you hear him say, "Would you please stop eating corn? And do something about that newborn acne child, puhlease). He does this even when we visit Pets on Lex.

2) I have changed many a diaper, given baths, burped the baby, assisted in the breastfeeding process, have gone shopping with the baby, fed the baby with a bottle and assembled baby items such as stroller and playtime seater. I know how to tell if the baby is hungry or tired, as opposed to crusty diapered. My sister has even left me alone with her brand new baby while she and my mother went shopping.

3) I know baby songs and how to socialize developmentally with a baby. Do you want your baby to grow up singing, "Dirrrty" by Christina Aguilera?

4) Finally, Jelly = MW. Enough said."