From Washington Post columnist:

Dear Carolyn:

Please tell me your opinion of the phrase "falling in love with someone's potential."

-- Anywhere, U.S.A.

That it's a lot like the phrase "I quit my job because I'm going to win Powerball next Wednesday," only not as smart. If you want to be in love that badly, adopt a homeless pet.

Hmm...aren't Christians "supposed" to believe the phrase and use it as a guide? That you're looking at who this potential spouse can be and help him/her get there?

AAAAARGHHH!! Why are work processes so frustrating? Is there anyone out there whose work is straightforward? Like open the gas-cap and insert nozzle and press. Or take item, pass through scanner, and ask "paper or plastic?"

For those who've kept up - I'm going to fast-foward to wedding day. Don't expect profundity.

Ernie (best man, brother of groom) and I picked up all the people we needed. Didn't get too lost. And got to the church on time. That little trip made me realize that perhaps, just perhaps, I could deal with living in a city that's not grid-based. But I do soooo appreciate numbers and the street/avenue system we employ on this island of Manhattan.

So, we waited for pictures, we waited for the guests. A lot of waiting actually. But it was so hot in there. We found a cooler basement area and all 14 of us (6 groomsmen, 6 bridesmaids, bride and groom) went there to watch...SpongeBob Squarepants. There was a TV and that's what it was turned to.

Showtime: we line up like the penguins we look like. And we eagerly anticipate the processional. Nice nice. No one tripped. The bride walks in. Beautiful. Mostly kept my eyes on the groom. Wondering what he's feeling. What I would feel one day if in same situation. Wondering if I would ever get there. Wondering if I want to get there.

So, the tear (tada) comes during the vows. Again, I appreciated the personal vows. No matter how cheesy (which I didn't think this was), I think the opportunity to declare your love publicly with heartfelt words (and song in his case) is always special. So, when she spoke, I listened, thinking about all the things she was saying about her man. And I thought, can I be those things to a woman? I would love to, I think. I would love it if a woman could say that about me, about being a protector, a support; about having a sense of fun but also one of duty and responsibility. At that moment, I was so proud to know the groom; to know what a great guy he is to the woman he loves and who loves him.

And I resolved to be those things so that my future bride wouldn't have to make generic vows. Of course, that feeling passed. Well, not really passed, just fading. Timing is not there; it's not right. Hope to get there...one day. Don't know how in hell it's going to happen. This oughta be fun. Heh heh.

His vows to her, peppered with songs, was uniquely him and only adds to his charm. Didn't cry for that one. Knew he would fulfill them to their fullest.

So, maybe the tears were borne of happiness for them with a tinge of sadness for me. I feel kind of selfish to be thinking about me during their time, but it gave me something to think about, which I hope is a step on the path to being a better man.

Who does this research? It sounds good but what about the resultant belly?

Remember this number: 212 479-7990.
For my women-friends who get hit on a lot and are always asked for their numbers, give the above-mentioned one.
For the guys, if you get this number, you're about to get / have been rejected!

Courtesy of the Hilton sisters in their interview with Abercrombie & Fitch magazine.

I think I'm more supportive (well, probably "less unsupportive" is the more accurate term) about people leaving New York and/or my life because I want people to respond the same when I leave. I'm not going anywhere, though. Not now.

Alright. Tuxedo store. I was kinda excited. I liked dressing up. This is probably the only wedding in which I'll participate as a groomsman because the rest of my Boston friends are female and the New York guy ones aren't getting married any time soon. Just kidding.

Went off without a hitch. Except that I was swimming in my tuxedo jacket, it was so big. But the next size down was a boys 18. Yeah, I asked. I knew there was nothing smaller than a 36 regular, but just in case.

Went to play (and in my case, watch) basketball. I didn't play of course. I can't; don't know how. Yet another thing in LIFE that is a regular staple of American male activity that I don't know how to do. But I had a guy with two sprained ankles to keep me company sitting on the bench. Went to an all-you-can-eat meat place. Didn't eat much. Which means, it was yet another thing in LIFE that is a regular staple of American male activity that I don't know how to do. Went to Jillians, this bar-arcade-billiards place. You guessed it, except for the bar part, my participation in the other two activities was close to nil just it was yet another thing in LIFE that is a regular staple of American male activity that I don't know how to do.

The further along the week I go, the less I remember about the wedding and the associated thoughts I had. So, I'll write about something else.

A handshake and a hug later, I watch these two people who have been a part of my life (albeit not a terribly big part) for the last three years walk hand-in-hand away from me. That was it. That's how I said good-bye to a guy and his wife who were off on another chapter of their lives. I don't know if and when I will see them again. So, that's it, huh? That's how things end? People walk in and walk out. And if you ever meet again and actually have some quality sit-down time with them, you think (or pray, during grace perhaps) about how God brings people back together despite time and distance and you're thankful. And yeah...I'm thankful but also, that doesn't happen too often. And that's sad. And you can't really do anything about it. People have to live and to live is to change. And moving away is change. And each time someone lives their life, I take a moment (just a tiny second) to think about my life and whether I'm living it. I have yet to come to any answer or conclusion.

I have such a hangover right now.

Despite being more relaxed on the plane, I just wasn't feeling "it." I don't know what I was supposed to be feeling. Sometimes I think I attach more importance to events than others and at the other times I feel others don't appreciate the times as much as I do. So, I figure, I'm going to my friend's wedding. I'm going to be in it! How exciting. I should be excited! I'm not. I am, but I'm not. I'm still feeling the why-are-people-getting-married-in-their-mid-twenties-and-what's-so-great-about-it-anyway funk. So, I tried to put it away from my mind and enjoy the short flight to Boston.

My friend came to pick me up and we went to the tuxedo store.

more ramblings...let's start from the beginning....

So, on Wednesday night, I was freaking out because I didn't finish the slideshow and things like that. I understood that it wasn't going to be a big deal but I wasn't sure how not a big deal it wasn't going to be. Anyway, the slideshow is not important but the procrastination is. I had put it off for so long that I felt truly awful that I would possibly let down two of my best friends on their wedding day! I couldn't stand it. I almost broke down. I don't know why. Other stuff must have been going through my mind, but I slept for like 2 hours, woke up, thought I would do some more work, but fell in and out of sleep on the futon in my room. I woke up around 8 something, with nothing more done than I had at 2am. My roommate was up; talked to him a little and he helped me out and I was totally grateful and proceeded to work until it got done. The fact that the slideshow was a tiny part of the reception (which I don't think anyone really even saw) is totally! fine with me. And despite all the anguish I went through during the making of it, I don't mind that it wasn't a big deal. It was a reminder of how I've procrastinated my way through college classes and my corporate work assignments. And thus far, I've squeaked by. And I guess for my about-to-be-married friends, I couldn't squeak by this. I didn't want to squeak by. But I was. Will I go through life squeaking by one incident after another until it catches up with me? I think I said this before...

Anyway, got a cab and went to the airport after changing the flight to the afternoon, I was a lot more relaxed and a lot more ready to attend and participate in this wedding.

After service, we went to lunch at a restaurant where they blocked out 4 tables. Got a chance to catch up a little bit with some people. Then, drove back with other New Yorkers. Well, 4 people in the car, including myself and I will be the only one still in New York in a month's time. What's the point of community when community moves out on you? But you know what, I'm letting that go. I really am. I hate change. I'm not (and never have been) good at it. However, I do believe it is good. It is challenging. My friend told me that I'm too comfortable. And to not be too comfortable (for me) is to go for change. Alright, I'm starting the personal feelings part of this extended blog....those were the excruciatingly boring details of the trip and now comes the even more boring details of my reflections of the weekend....

But first, I have to send out this email...(I soooooo have ADD).....

So, nothing much happened. Drank some. Got kicked out of the place because it was closing. Went to a Korean/Japanese place in Chinatown that was still open, one of a handful of restaurants open at that hour in Boston. Ate and went home.

Friday, I had lunch with a friend and walked around the mall and up/down Newbury Street. Wasn't nostalgic or anything. Granted, I like shopping but I wasn't in the mood. Got to rehearsal, waited, hung around, talked through and walked through the process. Nothing complicated, easy as pie.

Went to rehearsal dinner. Very nice Chinese banquet style, festive and intimate despite the 100 people there. Well, I didn't know the 100 people, I knew maybe like 20. Went home, relaxed, got ready. Talked with the groom and his brother (best man) a little. I was staying with them. No wedding jitters for this guy. So admirable. But also, so expected. He's got it together.

Morning of. Woke up, went to the local supermarket, bought and made breakfast, while brother got car washed and filled out the tank. In case you were wondering, I toasted some Eggo's, bought some muffins, and washed some strawberries. Photographer came to take pictures of us getting ready. Got me in my underwear for their Groomsman-of-the-Month Calendar (I'm Mr. August and I'm also kidding).

Went to wedding. Got ready, took pictures in the sun. Have the tan to prove it.

Ceremony: went well. But HOT, very very HOT. Sweating, all of us. Well, the several-layered-tuxedo-clad men at least. The women in their spaghetti-strapped dresses were fine. But in addition to sweat, there were tears; maybe just one tear. Well, probably just me. The bride didn't even cry, I don't think. More explanation for tear(s) later.

They wrote personal vows, which I appreciated. I always like to hear what people have to say and this time, I was so close I was guaranteed to hear them. But they also had microphones so I guess I didn't need to wrangle for that groomsman spot.

More pictures at the end, after the ceremony was over. Headed toward hot, outdoor wedding under a tent, near the water. Water made it cooler. Water also attracted its share of gnats. I got bitten by these crazy gnats (not mosquitos) despite being neck-to-hand-to-toe-covered.

Hectic evening as I emceed the reception. It was only hectic cause I didn't know what the hell I was doing. But everyone who got married that day is still married and doesn't hate me, so I think I passed.

Hung out till the end, had a talk with a friend, ran a couple of end-of-evening errands. Had a late night dinner with some people and went home to get ready for a 9:15 church service. 9:15!!!!!!!!! Got there at 9:30. Was very very impressed with myself. In the words of some of my friends: "CONGratulations" were in order for me.

More later....

Where was I? We went to get our tuxedos. My pants were too long. They hemmed it. Waited around for the dads to get there to try theirs on. Headed back home to change for basketball. And as y'all know, sports is not my forte. And I was nervous about having to particpate but I was glad that I didn't. So, that went well. We went to eat at an all-you-can-eat Brazillian BBQ place. Nothing compared to the ones in New York but good enough. Afterwards, I had to go back to get my passport for my ID because I submitted my Florida driver's license to get a New York one and got a rinky-dinky paper temporary one without a picture. We went to Jillians, this pool/video-game/bar place.

Stay tuned....

I went into this weekend for my friends' wedding very nervous and panic-stricken. I had a mini-panic attack on Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I postponed flying to Boston three times. I was supposed to fly out Wednesday night, but ordered tickets for Thursday morning. And then changed the flight time to Thursday afternoon. I don't know why. I didn't finish the slideshow or something (which turned out not to be a big deal, for which I was very grateful). I don't really know why. It wasn't commitment jitters (y'all know how I have that - as in I can't commit). I think that part of the panic attack related to my procrastinating and it all catching up with me. And I'm afraid that's just symptomatic of bigger issues in my life where I will go crazy when things start catching up with me (like my boss realizing I don't know shit about my work, like a future girlfriend realizing I'm an idiot not capable of honesty and responsibility and love and the list goes on).

But then the flight, which was fine. The tux fitting, which was fine (though my jacket was so big). The bachelor party was fine.