On Monday night, I watched that American Idol special in Las Vegas. I have to admit (very readily actually) that it was so entertaining. The top 10 (well, top 5 or 6) of the contestants were truly and really talented. And any of them would have held onto the title of American Idol well and deservedly. And then the "machine" went to work. I turned to MTV last night, saw the "Making of" show of Kelly Clarkson's video for her SECOND single. They're making a "Driven" episode of her on VH1. Her single is out already. I'm listening to Z100 right now and her song just came on. Her CD is in the works coming out in the Spring. And the next American Idol auditions are being held within the next month. (New York City is October 24).

So, I sat there (well, actually I was ironing) and listened and watched and I had fun. They looked a little nervous and they couldn't really remember all the lyrics to the many songs they had to sing that is waaay ahead of their time. They're so young too. But I'm sure they had a thrill doing it. And I'm happy for them. I think a little while ago, I wouldn't have been. I would've been jealous that they get their 7 minutes of fame and I'm sitting at home, ironing my shirts. But they are good. And there sooooo many more people who'll continue to wait tables or farm or program or teach or whatever who are even better than they are and who will never get discovered. So, since I suck (but that's OK), I really don't have anything to complain about.

So, I visited a farm this weekend. A real-life, people do this day-in-and-day-out, big family with lots of cousins and uncles and aunts who do this work, driving trucks and combines and fixing augers type of farm. And life there is...uncomplicated. It's not simple. I don't want to use that word because I don't think it's the right one to describe life there. It's just not complicated. People have their families (both immediate and extended). They have their church, their homes, their fields (both for growing things and for playing). At the end of a hard day's work, they come home, eat together, do a family thing together and go to sleep. In essence, that's what my day is like. Why do I feel the need to seek out volunteer opportunities or personal "ministries" which I think will enrich my life? Why do I bring my work's troubles into my home? Why must I create activities for myself to feel that I belong in this town?

And you know what? I think the movie Sweet Home Alabama with Reese Witherspoon will answer all of these questions and explain to me what to do with the rest of my life.

I'm helping out with my college friends' wedding next week. And this week, we got our Excel spreadsheet (hour-by-hour timeline) and Word document (roles and responsibilities description). So, I look at who I'll be "working" with and recognize some names but they weren't my friends, per se, during college. So, I'm noticing their work and grad school email addresses. So, people have moved onto and into jobs that they wanted. They're going to business school or medical school or law school or whatever PhD program that I'll never get to. And I'm just ashamed and sad. I mean, they're doing other (bigger and better) things. Actually, I'm not ashamed or sad. I'm just jealous. That's all.

singing their song...mel and josh (video with sound)

get the driver or whatever here.

Unzip onto desktop. Simply click with the right mouse-button on the provided "mcmjpeg.inf" file and select the install option. Then just delete the two files that you saved.

Carried two bags of groceries 6 blocks from the store to my apartment yesterday. Today, sore. Sad. Very sad.

Two words I learned today:

peccadillo - thought it was a cousin of the armadillo
boilerplate - thought it was like a bunsen burner or hot plate

** QUESTION OF THE WEEK ** (from Small Group)
Think about your closest friend right now. Why do you think you guys are so close? Describe what characteristics in yourself and in that friend help that closeness to develop. (for example: we're close because we both love blasphemy closets and can talk on and on about them)


Answer:
My closest friend and I share the same sense of humor. We'd make fun of the same people. We share history from our back-in-the-day days. But leading different lives now allows us to have new stories to share. We're independent people so we don't have to share those stories as soon as they happen. We're both prideful people so that when we fought, we didn't speak to each other for a year. But we're also smart people so we didn't let stupid fights break up our friendship.

In my case, my friend and I share the same characteristics, so it's not an 'opposites attract' situation. I believe that 'likes attracts.' Granted, my friend and I are vastly different in many significant (superficial and spiritual) ways but I believe our temperaments are the same. And that allows us to not get on each other's nerves about the different things that we like, the different lives that we lead, the different futures we'll have, and the different people we are.

MH: What do you mean people don't read? I go all the time just to find an old post. I just don't respond via this blog. I'd rather email.

So, I think I had a chance to move to California in the very near future for this consultant type job. I'm not sure that I would have gotten it but it was pretty simple work. I applied to the job in order to humor my friend. I wasn't about to really move and lying through my teeth to the phone interviewer saying the opposite showed that I really didn't want to move. No "so what" qualifiers to this paragraph. Just wanted to share.

Had dinner with friends from work. One of them quit the firm earlier in the year, went to Germany to do some anthropological dig with some students. The four of us got to talking about our inability to process and comprehend new ideas, new lessons. The guy who spent the summer in Germany said that after two months there, he felt smarter, not because he learned more to put in his brain, but because excess junk has been forgotten out of it. That's what I need! Two months to let excess junk be forgotten.

"The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it." -- Pearl Buck

I wrote the most recent blog at 2 in the morning so when I was saying that my mind was cluttered, it was also tired. That statement is still true. So, when I woke up this afternoon, took a look at my room and realized my room is cluttered too. So, my personal physical space is cluttered. I have too much junk, as demonstrated every single time I've moved apartments. But what do you get rid of? I have boxes of pictures? Do I throw those away? Of course not, right? I keep letters, for the most part. I just have little things that add up: boxes for my watches, storage unit for computer discs, stationery, cables or accessory pieces for my electronic gadgets, programs from Broadway shows, favors from weddings.

So, how am I expected to fit all of these things into a Maxima and drive off into a new chapter? Who would I leave all this to for storage and fly off to China? The thought itself would make me reconsider a move. I know that would be just a small portion of my consideration to do something about my life. But I act (or don't act) on the immediate but think in the future (or the past). And I think that should change.

I realize that my life is...cluttered. I was going to say complicated, but it's not. I'm 25, single, employed, and someone's son, brother and friend. It's pretty simple, really. I am who I am. I have what I have. And don't have what I don't have. But cluttered it is.

I came to this conclusion when I realize that some people can make a decision to go to China for a year and manage all the associated logistics in two weeks' time. Or make a decision to quit work, reject a job offer, and move to Boston in 3 hours. I can't even leave my apartment for a night out in less than 2 hours deciding what to wear, primping (or stylin'), and the best way to get there.

It's cluttered because my mind is cluttered. I have 35 things that I want to do and learn at any one time. I plan a lot of things for the future but don't take care of the things that need to be done in the present to get that future. I can't really keep all these things in check. I end up forgetting a lot of these things. So, I don't get to them. And I'm reminded that I have goals somewhere when I see others fulfilling theirs.

Sometimes, I think, why are so many people so goal/task-oriented? I figure, why can't I enjoy life and be aimless for a little bit. Well, then I realized, that "little bit" for me has been three years. And three years later, I don't love the place at which I've arrived. So, that "little bit" is over. It has to be. I'm making some decisions these days. Hmm...that's a tall order that I'm setting for myself. Let me think about that.