What do you need me to explain?!

I was talking to a friend (guy) and we were talking about men and women seminarians. Why do women go to seminaries? For missions, I can get that. C/E directors? Possibly. I mean, they'll never be a pastor (not really). So, if they're in a marriage state of mind (meaning, they want to get married at all; some women don't, right?), then they're looking for a seminarian (obviously, at least to me). BUT this seminarian my friend knows (who's young) wouldn't really be interested in a woman from seminary...because of things I mentioned below. It's great that she wants to know about God and be able to use this knowledge for His Kingdom but if that's all she knows, it's not as interesting. I know that sounds messed up. So, if she had a life before (doing her own thing, learning about herself, and her world) meeting him, she'll so much more to the table. And when they meet, that she's willing to change for him, for their mission together. Does that sound messed up? I don't know. That sounds right. I mean, if you take a regular guy (non-seminarian) and ask him whether he'd like someone totally just like him or someone who brings something to the table (like a previous life of adventures, experiences, or just background), he'd pick the latter.

Do you agree? Disagree? Still not sure what I'm saying?

OK. Maybe this is from a selfish-man-POV, but have you ever thought that a church-planter/China missions-oriented man doesn't want an exact replica of himself? I know it doesn't seem to make sense but hear me out. So, this guy is totally in missions and wants to plant a church and all that you are looking for. And, hey, you want the same things too! We have a match, right? Not really. I mean, though the guy obviously wants a woman who shares his vision and will accompany him on his/their mission, he doesn't exactly want a pre-packaged missionary's wife. Do you know what I mean?

I'm obviously not speaking for all men, but I think that guys want a woman who's had a life before him and whose life wasn't to wait for him.

This is not a commentary of what you're doing "right" or "wrong." I'm just offering a thought out there that might shape your own thoughts about relationships, your career path, your goals and mission in life.

Don't know how you do it. What makes you "go" for a guy? I mean, why not sit and wait? And by "going" for him, what do you do? Put yourself in his way? That might work.

As for me, I'm supposed to be the one "going" for the women right? Haven't found anyone yet. I'm not looking so that might be why. It's all good though. Really it is!

First day in my working life that I didn't go to a news website because I was diligently working. Never happened before. Don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.

Learned that song last year. Good song!

Last night, I had two Eskimo Pies and some Tostitos for dinner.

It's Wei3 Xian2.

Actually, what I hear about friendships is that people always seem to gravitate and hold dear their college friendships more so than their current friends. Well, I don't really know that. I just know that my post-college friendships can seem transistory. I think that because while we were in college, after four years, it's perfectly reasonable for people to move away to do their thing, whether it's graduate school, work, being at home with family. However, post-college, in the town you've decided to study, work, live, people moving away is a deliberate, conscious decision. It's a decision to move away from those friends you've made thus far. Perhaps, it's being in New York, where people have many goals, all of which are significant to them. And friendship is just one "sub-goal." And often times, these subgoals conflict, overlap, and/or are mutually exclusive.

I have an idealized view of friendship and family. I think I told you this. My problem is that very few hold this view, especially in New York City. So, change my view? Is that it?

Communication is key, don't you think? But there's a difference between communication and dumping, right? But what's the difference?

And how do you handle "pockets" of friends? Our mobile culture forces us to have these different pockets. I imagine a wedding where I'm just one of a party that is just one pocket of this couple's world of friends. I guess there's nothing wrong with that. I'm just selfish that way. I want them all to myself. Is that so wrong?

Do you think that any friend you make after college (similar to our go-away-to-college, non-commuter experience) will match the ones we made in college? What if your post-college days are not spent in your hometown and therefore your go-away, non-commuter experience is similar? What if you don't keep in touch with those college friends as much?

"I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little further down one particular path than we have gone ourselves." - EM Forster

No, I don't know that praise song.

One hour huh? Unbroken? I don't do anything that long (except sleep).

Where was this conference? How come you didn't go to the one in Philly?

I'm doing my annual objectives for work as part of our mid-year and end-of-year evaluation and I realize that I HAVE NO STRENGTHS! What's wrong with me? All I have put down is "spreadsheet/analytical data analysis." That's it! I'm not good technically because I have no idea what they're talking about. I'm not good communication-wise because I really don't feel like talking to these people, primarily because they're going to respond to me in that technical jargon that I don't understand in the first place! I like the idea of my role (which is "product management") but I don't like the industry in which I'm applying it. Got .... to..... get......another.......job.................

Of course, there are so many caveats to that last sentence. It's gotta pay well (or at least OK). It's gotta be some specific companies that I have in mind (i.e. not a total startup or anything). The industry should be in the areas of my interest. It can't be far away; I'm not relocating for it.

I love bacon! Am having it for breakfast right now. Dang! It's good. Crunchy, fatty and delicious.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1101020211-198891,00.html

You're sharing this with someone else? Sharon? Is that you?

I love long weekends. Who can I talk to in order to get instituted?

All this good will on your website! I don't know if I can match it. I can't.

For most of the time, the only thing I could think about in Hawai'i was coming back to New York. And on the flight home, I was wondering what about New York I wanted to come home to. There are lots of things of course: the city itself, my small group and friends, work. Work? Definitely NOT. And since work takes up 1/3 of the my entire life, being unhappy there takes its mental and psychological toll. And that thought led to others about what's NOT good about me being in New York. The flood gates were open! And last night, I couldn't sleep for some reason (well, it could be that I woke up at 3:30 that afternoon and was trying to go to bed less than 10 hours after that). As I lay awake, I was thinking about commitments, responsibilities, advancement in career and relationships, and how I don't have (or aspire to have) any of those.

So, there's this covenant renewal thing happening at church where the church is voicing its vision by looking at the past, present and future. I hope to do a little of that myself and hopefully come up with a vision of my own.

What's your vision?

They're personalized cards. That's Central Park and the Towers are not there. BUT I do have personalized cards where the Towers are there and I left them there on purpose. That's how I know NYC as and that's the way it's staying in my mind and heart.

This has been the blah-est day ever. It's so sad. No one is in the office. I'm not doing any work. I really don't like the holidays like this.

Lord of the Rings - ultimate MIT movie! That's why I'm reluctant to see it for the same reason you enjoyed your waiting-in-line experience.

It's Wednesday. It feels like Friday. I'm ready to stop work and go home. I've been ready since Monday, mid-morning.

What does one have to do to get some respect around here?!?!? I've been without a reasonably up-to-date computer for the last week. Even the tech help desk is getting to call the shots (by withholding a new desktop)! That's how low on the totem pole I am around here.

Please! Lay me off! Hope the bosses don't see this.

I have 4 more days to go before vacation but instead of being excited, I'm anxious. I'm anxious about packing, about getting presents in time. I have yet to send out cards, so, you might get yours late. =)

Christmas is just rushing on by, isn't it? Although each day I notice or experience something Christmas-y, they haven't amalgamated into the "holiday spirit." The lights on a wreath at a skating rink, the tree at Lincoln Center (they have one too!), familiar logo-ed shopping bags in red and green, coworkers talking about vacations, Christmas get togethers here and there. All nice things that do remind of Christmas but I think it's all bittersweet in the end. It's like being in college. You want to spend the holidays with friends because you think it'd be so much fun, but people end up going "home," as do I of course. But right now, for eleven and a half months of the year, my "home" is where my friends have been, right here with me. But at this relaxed and meaningful time, they're not here. I'm not here.

I've asked this of some people once: "When do you get to actually spend Christmas and the holidays not at home?" The main answer I got was: "When you have your own family and that's your home."

I'm actually spending less of my Christmas holiday with my family than I am with some friends this year. But upon my return on January 10th, I might tell you that despite getting my wish to spend the holidays with friends, it's perhaps family who I really want to be with.

I'll have to find out for myself.

OK. I see the quandary that you're in. Why are you even tutoring? Cause you have time? Cause you want to be around the kids?

My laptop at work was stolen over the weekend. I'm very annoyed. I locked it and everything but someone even took the cable that was attached to the table. This is ridiculous. It's like the 3rd laptop stolen among coworkers that I know. I'm really curious as to who it could be. Obviously, it's someone I see daily, perhaps the cleaning crew. For a while, I was doubting my eyes and thinking that I brought it home over the weekend...and forgot to bring it back!!??! Of course not! Dang thieves.

Went to a Praise Night this weekend. It was good. Trying to connect to God but wasn't very easy.

Plans for the holidays?